"It's colder than it looks outside. It's like a dream you try to remember but it's gone" Have you ever had a good day, what seemed like possibly great day but feel totally crappy at the end? I mean... Have a day that would be ok if it were to be repeated two or three times... but then feel like... idk... sad almost... at the end. Maybe im depressed and crazy, althought i dont know why. my fingers are so cold it hurts to type...but i dont know why. TOK (Theory of Knowledge) did exactly what i wanted it to...and I had a dream. And in this dream Lauren,Dani, and Amanda were standing in front of me. My voice echoed "Why is my voice echoing?" and Dani says "Its all a dream" and Lauren clapped and yelled wake up!! and i did... I sat up, and jumped because someone was at the end of my bed. It was amanda, and she looked at me and said "Within a dream" and i suddenly snapped to 'wake-ness' i still cant shake the feeling like im not awake. it kind of ruined my life, in a great way.... "call it compulsive, call it compulsive, call it insane...Its a matter of instinct, its a matter of conditioning, Its a matter of fact......So Im lying here, just starting at the ceiling tiles. and im thinking about what to think about" the next step would be to convince myself that i am awake... but i dont think i can, because i cannot, nor can any, define living. "Sometimes youre made to feel as if your loves a crime.Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight.Got to kick at the darkness til it bleeds daylight" Maybe this was written in about an hour... with too many quotes from barenaked ladies and not enough substance... but ive been thinking... and coming up with nothing. ............ lent is going to be fun... hard enough, but fun. I had tea for the first time the other day, real tea. It had caffine. it was good. right now im going to try Wacker's [my TOK teacher's] 'good stuff' called Numi Smoky Tarry. It smells like a campfire... interesting. ...................but what i have come up with is brilliant. in its own way. I hope so much i dont get sick. if i do, well see who loves me Descartes is a true man of billiance. He put in words something in my mind that has exsisted for a decade. he disreguarded the senses, answered my questions directly after i posed them... ah... im in heaven, with a cup of beverage that is still too hot to drink.
I promise if youre this far, and still reading, then you will be repaid with a verdict on smokey tarry. I truly have been writing this for an hour. "Pinch me...please god...tell me... im still asleep" i feel happy, but only in the moment, and its odd, because if im not esctatic in the moment, then life slows to a crawl, with an annoying whine of television than i feel encircle my mind untill it is too tangled to form thought. so what do i do? I block it out. with music. Barenaked Ladies, my unknown saviors. I do not know your names, only that you reign from above, where the dying leaves and trees you call your native land. Your words of wisdom lay amonst beats of happiness, that speak to my fascadical heart which lies in elated sorrows. Being so simply confusing, we dance in step. so yes, this is me... in grade 11. They call me yay-shwah. This is my unread thank you note, posted on the door to the old apartment. Im good, and i know i am understood. but the note will be crumpeled and put inside my shoebox.
I know I will remember you, please dont let me forget. Steven, I have learned your name, apparently i can sound like you. and in your solo persuit, you showed the same cynnicism and sadness with happiness that i feel inside. I need The Vanity Project.
"Who do you think I am? Who do you think I'll be... without you?"
I am sitting here with tea. I am on the laptop. I am wearing a beanie. Chapter 2 has begun past the two hour mark. I truly am sorry for this rant, and i hope you have pulled from this what i wanted you to. I am beyond angry with the focus of our nation's media. I turn away from the smoke, i hate my reflection in their mirrors. One woman dies, and so doth out nation. Thousands of men die, without our nation's attention. But i am not bitter. I live in "AMERICA!"....where is my justice? "I almost cried on the day my country died
I almost tried to care
They built a wall to protect them from us all
We should have left them there
Revolution is the first to go
The rest is forced to stay
Shall I cast this out, this wilted rose?"
Smoky Tarry is the best out of the two cups of tea i have had the pleasure to drink. Its psychologically bettering because it makes you warm....it's great. That is your verdict....and if you are this far....
Was it worth it? "As I leave, I turn and wave, to the Great Provider"
PS- comment on the entierty of the post
not just "yea" or "no" or "maybe"
Josh PPS: I appoligize about it's length, but I hope your answer is yes. | 
